THE CAPTAIN: Cameron, Clegg, and Miliband et al bore me to tears

The General Election is just three months away
The General Election is just three months away

In the last couple of weeks I’ve not been able to turn on my TV without seeing some sleazy politician gurning at me.

Every time I turn on the wireless all I hear are tired political soundbites, spin and counter-spin.

There’s an election coming people, and don’t we just know it. We can’t escape from it, like some dystopian nightmare.

It is dominating the national news agenda as if there’s nothing else happening in the world.

There is still nearly 100 days of this nonsense to contend with. It’s like Groundhog Day.

I just want to jump on the top deck of my boat, and sail down the Trent with a megaphone screaming “NO ONE CARES!”

Politics in this country is descending into farce.

The leaders of the three ‘main’ parties look as if they were cloned in a political party leader laboratory.

Dark hair? Check.

Dark blue suit? Check.

Side-parting? Check.

Smug grin? Check.

This time around the whole charade is being made increasingly confusing and irritating by the ever burgeoning number of political parties.

There doesn’t appear to be a day goes by without the leader of some party I’ve never heard of demanding to be part of the televised leaders debates.

Who are these people and where have they come from?

It’s turning into a right old free for all.

Can you imagine tuning into a live TV debate with eight or nine stage-managed leaders snarling at each other and blowing more hot air than a lorry-sized fan heater.

Dimbleby won’t be able to cope, bless him.

It will also make for the most cringeworthy television viewing since Mrs Brown’s Boys.

Quite why the national media are allowing themselves to be driven into a frenzy by all this boring nonsense is beyond me.

Ordinary people couldn’t care less.

We all have real life to contend with, without having to be put through the mill of the warped alternative reality that exists in the bubble that is Westminster, complete with all its shady shenanigans.

I just want to get under the duvet and hide there until 8th May.

Who’s with me?