The Captain: An SOS to give the DIY a break next Bank Holiday

A couple painting walls. Picture: PA Photo/thinkstockphotos.
A couple painting walls. Picture: PA Photo/thinkstockphotos.

How do the good people of Gainsborough choose to spend their Bank Holiday Monday?

A rare day off from the stresses of working life, perhaps they might have a picnic in the country or even head to the seaside?

Or simply relax at home with their feet up? Go the pub? Catch up on the gardening?

All would be more than acceptable options, but from what I could see Gainsborough folk had other ideas.

It seemed to me like the entire population of the region was heading to B&Q.

I spotted several DIY superstores where folk were actually queuing up the road to get in the car park.

What’s wrong with these people? And what is it about tungsten tip screws or some new decking that gets you lot so excited?

Once I’d got through all the snarled up traffic there was plenty of other evidence of DIY madness.

On estates across the town all you could hear was the sound of drills, hammers and saws - usually followed shortly afterwards by squeals of pain as some amateur almost loses a finger or thumb.

Personally I’ve never been one for DIY. Why do anything yourself when you can get some other mug to do it?

Like everyone I’ve had a go at it of course. You start in good heart but any day spent working on your house (or boat) invariably turns into one of the biggest nightmares of your life.

I read somewhere that Amazon had seen almost a 75 per cent increase in sales of sledgehammers and welding equipment as people prepared to spend a day off pretending to be a builder.

And apparently someone did a survey that found over half the country was planning to spend their long weekend doing DIY.

I guarantee that most of them will have spent Tuesday searching Yellow Pages for a professional to clear up their mistakes and disasters.

And in the end it will have cost them more than if they’d just done that in the first place - the tradesmen of this country must spend the week after a bank holiday rubbing their hands together with glee.

If you disagree with me and love a bit of DIY on the Bank Holiday, why not write me a letter?