Youths go back to school at last

IT’S true we’ve waved goodbye to the last of the Summer bank holidays.

We had one last hurrah but now it is time to pack away the barbecue, fold up the sun loungers and stuff everything back into the garage for another year.

No longer will my clean underpants dry aloft my boat’s flagpole.

As the weather deteriorates, and the nights draw-in, I will have no choice but to dry my undergarments on the radiators at my sister’s house again.

But the good news about waving goodbye to the sunny season, the silver lining of it all?

The kids go back to school!

That’s right mums and dads, by now the little ones should be all kitted up for big school on Monday.

Of course for those who occasionally brave the roads in this area it does mean the rat race will be back on, with idiot mums in 4x4s bearing down on each other in a bid to get their little darlings to the school gates on time.

My tip for mums? Let them walk. Start as you mean to go on. And if it rains – get them an umbrella.

But as far as I am concerned the increase in bad drivers is well worth it.

Because all those little darlings currently rampaging on BMXs and getting under my feet will be back to school where they belong.

Just you wait and watch as Lincolnshire Police’s anti-social behaviour statistics mysteriously plummet now that the little ratbags are locked up back in school from 9am to 3pm.

Then there’s the wonderful dark and cold, and if we’re lucky mist, that drives the groups of cider swilling yobs back into the arms, and under the watchful eyes, of mummy and daddy again.

You can bet the Eskimos don’t put up with the same kind of chaos as we have to in the summer months. The beauty of the cold and dark is no one wants to be out in it.

Also, on the plus side, it’s at least a year before we have to run a double page spread of gurning youths jumping around about their exam results.

I’m sure there are plenty of parents rubbing their hands together with glee at the thought of having at least six hours a day of peace and quiet again.

Well folks, you’re not the only ones!

THE CAPTAIN