Where has all the water gone?

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DO not be fooled by the grim weather we had on Friday, because apparently we are in the middle of a drought.

We are surrounded by water not a week seems to go by without any rain, and our fields, pastures, and woodland appear green and lush, but according to the boffins we have nearly run out of the wet stuff.

How? How has this happened? Where has it all gone?

Because from where I am bobbing the tide is high and it’s hardly the Sahara out there is it? Many people have still got their top coats on.

But the way some people are going on you would think we were surrounded by dried up reservoirs and riverbeds, parched earth, and failed crops.

‘Drought’ to me conjures up images of vast dry dusty wastelands, scattered with the dehrydrated carcasses of zebras and wildebeast.

I mean, I know there’s more than the odd yokel round here that looks like a wildebeast but there’s no one that doesn’t look well fed and watered.

And we’re an island that has half the Atlantic Ocean rained down onto it at regular intervals.

Already there is talk of a hose pipe ban. That’s the next step in the slippery slope leading to stand pipes and sharing baths.

I suppose sharing baths is not necessarily a bad thing, depending on who you are sharing with.

Although knowing West Lindsey they would no doubt take all the fun out the process and there would be a great long form to fill out before finding out who your allocated bath-buddy was.

Then after all the red tape there would be fines for anyone caught bathing alone. Is this really what the people want?

Am I the only one who is embarrassed by this country’s inability to deal with any variations in weather?

It is only a few months since the country more or less shut up shop for a week due to snow – flights were grounded, schools and roads closed, it was chaos.

Our neighbours on the continent must think we are a laughing stock.

Between April and October in Mediterranean nations all they have is wall to wall sunshine, but there is never any mention of droughts in these places.

I wouldn’t mind having to put up with all these draconian measures if we had a bit of decent weather to show for it. But have we chuff.

This ‘summer’ has been about as warm as the welcome Gainsborough folk give outsiders.