Plenty on offer town’s shoppers

running around in a blind panic because you’ve still got Christmas pressies to buy?

Still clueless as to what to get your cousins, aunties and uncles, siblings, in-laws, other half, and illegitimate kids?

Well don’t get your pants in a twist. Let Captain Claus lend a helping hand (no need to sit on my knee).

Because I love you all so much, and because this is a time for giving, I’ve put together a list of great gift ideas, tailor-made for Gainsborough folk.

Here goes...

Ties. These will come in very handy when appearing before the beak at Lincolnshire Mags’.

Greggs vouchers. For all your dietary needs.

Blue car badge (but most people round here have already got one of these). This will allow you to park anywhere in Gainsborough with impunity, no matter how much of a hazard or inconvenience it causes for everyone else.

Quasimodo mask. No need for plastic surgery - this mask will instantly make most people round here more attractive.

Six-pack of extra-strength lager. The perfect breakfast before heading out for a hard day queuing up at the Jobcentre.

Bar of soap. The whole family will gather round and stare at this mysterious never before seen object.

Beard trimmer. The perfect gift for Gainsborough women.

Shoppers should not forget that Christmas just isn’t Christmas without a trip to Gainsborough market. For those who like shopping in the cold and have a love of hats that make them look like animals, this is the only place to be.

Whether it be bargain bucket slippers or a variety of old lady style underwear our market has something for everyone.