Make or break time for pupils

TODAY should be a day to remember for a number of teenagers across Gainsborough.

Pupils will be flocking to Queen Elizabeth’s High to find out if all that hard work, study and praying paid off.

A-Level results day is just another date in the diary to me, one marred by all radio stations who stop playing good quality music and start harping on about ‘clearing’, ‘universities’ and ‘support’ for students who didn’t get the grades they wanted.

This boring information is pedalled out every year and is offset with boffins opening their results live on air. The posh geeks then have to feign surprise as they discover that, as predicted, they got all As.

Why do they never dig out the pupils who have just found out they completely screwed up on the day? We all know it happens.

I want to hear some spotty oik realise that they are looking at a lifetime of shelf-stacking and flipping burgers.

That would make far more entertaining listening if you ask me.

It’ll also offer, yet another, opportunity to discuss tuition fees and how they are too high these days.

If you ask me it is not that they are too high, it is that there are too many choices on offer.

Who wants a BA in social studies? No doubt the criminology courses will be packed even though if you want a job for the police you need a degree about as much as the £10k debt that goes with it.

All that hard work just to find out after three years and a shiny graduation ceremony you’re back at home living with the folks, because the police certainly aren’t recruiting.

The best bet for all you green-round-the-gills youngsters is to do the only sensible thing and take to the sea like me.

You can get a tan while you catch your own dinner fresh from the water.

In fact my only major expense is the occasional tot of rum.

And to those of you who do get good results I’d also ignore all the usual guff that will be being spouted about exams getting easier every year.

In fact, unless you actually have to pick up any results today then I would take my advice and avoid it all by tuning into the shipping forecast on your way to work.

You won’t be disappointed.

THE CAPTAIN