Just once I’d like to walk through Gainsborough town centre without seeing or hearing anyone washing their dirty laundry in public.
Why do people round here insist on having their arguments on the street - ideally with an audience of startled pensioners, bemused shoppers and terrified school kids?
It seems like every time I take a stroll through town my eardrums are bombarded with volleys of abuse which would shock an old Glasgow docker.
The most recent example was when I decided to have a wander through Market Place in the summer sunshine last week.
I was minding my own business when suddenly I went round the corner to be confronted with a scene straight from the Jeremy Kyle Show.
A couple young enough to be my grandchildren were f-ing and blinding at each other across the busy street.
It was a scene so typically Gainsborough. The male lead was played by a scrawny, sallow scroat wearing a dirty vest and a baseball cap.
While our Juliet could never have been played by Keira Knightly.
She was about 18 stone, smoking a fag and pushing a baby in a pram with about 20 bags of shopping.
I wouldn’t dare list the sorts of salty language they were throwing at each other, but suffice to say the argument was about our young Romeo playing away from home.
And it was almost Shakespearean in its intensity, if not in its use of the English language.
It’s safe to say our young lady wasn’t too keen on her love rival - not given some of the descriptive words she was using.
While our male hero fought his corner largely by repeating her accusations with an extra obscenity thrown in for good measure.
Anyway, it all ended in the usual fashion - with a parting of the waves as they headed in different directions.
Accompanied of course by another soundtrack of swearing and inaudible screaming.
Why do people do it? I’ve had a few barnies in my time but why involve the whole of a town centre in your most personal business?