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The Captain: Imagine if secret millionaire @HiddenCash started leaving treasure in Gainsborough

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Have you heard about that mysterious loony in the USA who has been hiding bags of cash and then giving hints about where people can find it?

The anonymous millionaire has been acting like some kind of overly-generous tooth fairy, sending out clues about the locations of envelopes stuffed with $20 and $100 bills on Twitter.

He started leaving money all over the San Francisco area and then moved on to Los Angeles.

Understandably it’s been causing a fair bit of excitement as people scrabble around after him trying to get their grubby mitts on the loot.

Then inevitably there have been dozens of ‘selfies’ posted of grinning American idiots putting their thumbs up as they pocket it. USA! USA! USA! etc

Only in America was my first thought. And also only in this crazy new world created by social media.

But I’ve since heard some copycat has started doing the same thing in Blighty.

And it quickly got me thinking about the social chaos that would erupt in Gainsborough if we suddenly found out there was free cash up for grabs and being left around on the streets.

It wouldn’t have to be $20 or $100 bills either in this town. Most people round here would happily risk life and limb to dive into the Trent if they thought there was a two pence coin on the river bottom.

And if the Captain was to hide a bag full of pennies in the Market Place and then put it on social media, we could be looking at some serious public disorder.

Worse than when Trinity play Boston.

Just imagine the frenzy I could cause as the entire population of the town legged it from the Old Hall to Spital Hill at the prospect of finding 80p in loose change.

And if I let on that I’d left some pennies on the other side of the river, the Trent Bridge might well buckle under the stampede. You see we’re quite attached to our cash round here aren’t we?

We make a Yorkshireman or a Scot look like Bill Gates with a hole in his pockets we’re that tight. I’ve heard rumours that buskers have left Market Place after an entire day completely empty handed.

 

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