Don't dilly dally on Fake Festival
the other night I took myself on a trip to Gainsborough golf course.
What a lovely and discreet little gem this place is - off the beaten track away from some of the riff-raff that like to rock my boat - and I don't mean in a good way.
Along the way I even managed to catch a glimpse of Elvis hot-footing it through the undergrowth - I've no idea what he was doing there, or if indeed the King resides in Gainsborough on a permanent basis.
And no I'm not still drunk from the Easter indulgences - it really was Elvis.
But even more intriguing than seeing a dead rock star - and yes, there are things that are even more intriguing than this minor miracle - was some of the little things I saw along the way.
What, for example, are the rows and rows of white houses just off the dual carriageway? They look like some kind of nod to the concentration camps of Nazi Germany.
Add to this the fact that just yards away are a couple of sinister looking ‘nodding donkeys', as my old dad used to call them.
You know the contraptions I'm on about - weird bobbing robots living in a mangled menagerie of metal. I'm presuming they're lifting oil from some rich seam - but whose oil is it? Who's responsible for looking after these poor inanimate asses?
And is Gainsborough Lincolnshire's answer to Iraq? If it is I would like to put myself forward to be its dictator so I can put a few things straight.
Like this whole Fake Festival palaver and people moaning and whining about too much noise. What a load of nonsense.
It's a one off shindig that will raise the spirits of the whole town.
"But what about the old people and families that live nearby?" I'm hearing from some quarters.
I know a chap who has lived on the Levellings for 50 years. He is both old and has a family, but he wants the music festival to go ahead.
I appreciate it won't be everyone's cup of tea, and I think the braindead idiots will turn out in force wherever the venue, but you can't let the minority ruin it for the majority - they're always going to be there in the background, no matter if it's held on The Levellings or on the Moon.
It seems to me that the 50 or so residents who are rearing up against this project are digging their heels in not because of what it is, but because of the way it has been handled.
For an official minutes document to say ‘we're not telling folk about this ‘cause they won't like it' seems absolutely preposterous to me.
And as for nothing going ahead on the park that may cause an ‘annoyance' or ‘nuisance' to anyone, who lives nearby.
If all planning decisions were held up against this kind of whimsical posturing then nothing would ever get done.
We'd all be sitting around in loincloths eating raw meat and clubbing would-be mates over the head with planks and dragging them back to the cave - you know, like they do at Park Springs.
There is always going to be someone who is going to be peeved, but just because every community has a Victor Meldrew or two in its midst doesn't mean we should all sit at home festering in our own misery.
Get this festival on. I don't care where, but if you dilly-dally too long, they'll go elsewhere.
Coun Trevor Young addressing the meeting