‘NEW YEAR, new you!’ scream the drossy women’s sections in countless newspaper and magazine columns this week.
As the world and his wife swear off smoking, eating too much and generally having any fun at all, the gym subscription numbers sky rocket.
But don’t worry folks it’s only ever really for the first two weeks in January and then we can forget all this fresh faced fabulous fit codswallop and get back to usual.
This period after Christmas should really be called cold turkey.
For finally once the leftovers are past their best and the buffet food has dried up, all that’s left to do is make that first dreaded return trip to the supermarket.
And despite the fact that most of us never want to eat again, as early afternoon sets in the mind turns to ‘what can I nibble on now?’.
Just as quitting smokers exclaim: ‘I just don’t know what to do with my hands’. Festive foodies deflate whilst wondering what an earth they can stuff into their mouths to chew on now.
And the answer comes back loud and clear ‘nothing’. As the tabloids tell us, now is the time we’re suppose to ‘diet’ and to write resolutions that will be broken many times over before the first week of this godforsaken month is over.
Well not me thanks, I am just not buying into it this year.
Will I be bouncing out of bed at 6am to get to the gym to queue up to use a treadmill or a ‘cross trainer’? Erm, no thank you.
I shall be warm in my bunk, counting down the days until February starts and at last I can notice the nights and mornings getting lighter. And I strongly suggest you do the same.
In fact, if you have to make New Year’s resolutions at all make them all to start in February.
You simple can’t go cold turkey on all this eating drinking and merriment. It’s too soon.
My Christmas tree is still up for heaven sake.
Why is it that we must celebrate Christmas from early November (ridiculous) and then just when it gets going (24th December onwards) we strip the tree bare sweep up the wrapping and announce ‘that’s it’, ‘it’s all over’ and ‘no more Toblerone for you’.
We’ve got one member of staff who had to be physically tied down to prevent her putting the office decorations up in September.
Then come Wednesday 28th December, when we are all back at work and suitably unimpressed to be wearing shirts and ties, she stripped the place bare of decorations and packed them all away.
Christmas really does bring out the total fruitcakes, and so do New Year’s resolutions. Mm fruitcake.