LAST week our lawbreaking reporter was taught a lesson when he was sent along to a driving seminar having been clocked by a local speed camera.
And who else was he predominantly surrounded by when he got there?
People over 50 years old. I couldn’t have been less surprised if he turned up and it was a room full of women.
Every day in Gainsborough time and time again, I see appalling examples of bad driving, everywhere.
First there’s the biddy-brigade who travel everywhere in town at 35 mile per-hour.
They are either pootling along the duel carriageway causing lorries to overtake them, or they are shooting across the mini roundabouts at Marshall’s Yard. They are a danger unto themselves.
Then there’s the school run mums. Desperate for their little darlings to get to school safe they illegally park their 4x4s on yellow hatched lines outside local primary schools. All so their child doesn’t have to get wet in the rain.
Meanwhile other not so lucky children are risking life and limb by crossing to the school cutting behind these gas guzzlers.
Also up there with the town’s bad drivers are those who take an amber light to mean ‘floor it quick you’ve just got time to get through the lights at Tesco’.
Then there’s those who don’t seem to know what an indicator is, let alone how to use one.
And not be sexist but at least half of Gainsborough’s population (you can guess the half I am thinking off) have no idea how to park properly.
Perhaps if the women of this town did their make-up before they left the house they would be able to get their cars between the white-lines?
Perhaps rather than another blasted open day the Standard could host its own driving safety initiative course?
I could host it and we could even get some sausage rolls in. We could teach the pensioners where the brake and accelerator is. We could teach everyone how to use their lights properly.
Including a special section on ‘when to use a fog light’ and ‘why you don’t need your full beams on all the time’.
We could also cover how driving bumper to bumper with the car in front, contrary to popular belief, does not get you there any faster.
We’d have a special section on motorbikes and how many people who ride them seem to have a death-wish.
The seminar could even have a section for lorry drivers explaining how to avoid overturning your lorry when attempting a U-Turn on the Trent Bridge.
We only need to charge £1 entry fee and I’d been rich. I’ll be able to jack in this malarkey and get myself a really fast boat to speed up and down the Trent in.